by Kirk Hoganson on Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 7:18pm

It is always my lesson.
Never matters, rhyme nor reason.

What I be,
up to me.

What I cast away isn’t stolen.
My ego used it, now it’s broken.

I’m to blame.
Curse my name.

I’ve disgraced myself in another.
Tried, judged, condemned my brother.

It was me.
Could not see.

Their choices held accountable.
Mine alone were forgivable.

Felt a lack.
Held All back.

What I see outside is a reflection.
The players play roles at my election.

I believe,
then perceive.

Start with the Truth, filter till fiction.
Choose a cruel story, then take action.

Made it up.
Lies I sup.

I see you as a man, not Son.
Believe we’re separate, not One.

Till I see,
I can’t be.

To avoid the pain, I push it outward,
onto others, my brothers are tortured.

That’s the cost,
of Self lost.

You cannot get, what you never give.
Turn your heart from hate, that you might live.

None can roam.
All are Home.

Lay aside every grievance,
Truth is told in their absence.

Stillness here,
never fear.

Hold nothing back when the light comes.
All grandeur waits, where self succumbs.

I’m still One.
Thy will, done.

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the direction I must go

and I feel the peace within

in just being able to “know”

I’m even okay with the pace

no longer thinking it slow

but enjoying the scenery

and each vision it can show

So now that I have settled into

the journey that I’m taking

I focus more on the moment

and the choices I am making

No longer is there a desire

for which my heart is aching

or a sense of guilt or shame

for something I am forsaking

I’m now okay with what is

Okay with what will be

Okay with all that was

and each and every part of me

I’m satisfied with footwork

and an outcome yet to see

It’s not only in the goal

that I can find the victory

I don’t have to overcome

I don’t have to compare

and I don’t have to wait

to feel joy until I am there

The purpose is the path

each step I take with care

the joy is in the journey

and each moment that I share

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There lived a flock on grass so green,

So settled down the American Dream.

And on the hillside he was born at last,

Looking up at the mountains so vast.

A timid black sheep so young and meek,

Surrounded by the family that taught him how to speak.

The little black sheep would never give any grief,

Somehow there’s another path he stuck to his belief.

Those mountains stayed in his hopeful heart that wouldn’t dry,

He packed up and left and kissed his family good-baa.

A great adventure for a little black sheep,

A little black sheep so timid and meek.

You can reach Erik by e-mail at: sirkitestore@yahoo.com

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 www.MyMoneyIQ.net

“Tis November, the season of Thanksgiving
For gifts of time, good friends and good living
For all the people that we’ve met
Between each sunrise and sunset
For Christmas and New Year’s “Auld Lang Syning”

Happy Holidays Mark!

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 www.MyMoneyIQ.net

I give you my solemn assurance
I’ll sell you no unwanted insurance.
No idle speculation.
Just solid education,
To limit your financial disturbance.

Thanks Mark!

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Here it is, the first chapter of my polar bear novel, True North-

Note:  pre-publication and pre- final edit

Chapter One

The Race to Sea

      “I win, I win!”  Mato (MAH-toe) shouted as he leaped into the ocean.  He popped his head up out of the freezing waters and steadied an ice-sheet with his front paws.  He hoisted his one thousand pound body up onto the ice sheet which continued to rock.  He stood on all four paws and shook, spraying sea water everywhere.  He stretched his front paws upward in victory now standing on two legs.  “I’m the first to hit the open water!  I win”.    He had finally beaten his much smaller sister, Ursula, across the pack ice on the way to the open sea.  For the polar bear cub siblings it was the annual ending of winter and the beginning of summer on the Arctic Ice Cap.  Ever since they were a year old and large enough to swim they would race across the pack ice to the open water.  Then their mother would join them to swim the long distance from the Arctic Ice Cap back to the tundra of Canada. Each year Mato would start out in the lead, but Ursula always overtook him on the pack ice.  She was far more agile and quick, jumping from one wobbly sheet to another on the pack ice with the precision and grace of a ballerina dancing.  Mato was sloppy and cumbersome.  He had to slow down to keep his balance while navigating the tilting sheets of ice.  But this year, Mato had doubled the size of his sister, and his extended stride made up for his lack of agility.  He practically jumped accross the ice sheets two at a time, not noticing that there was only about a 100 yards of pack ice.  This was about a tenth of the distance they usually raced.  So he stayed in front until the finish.  Ursula was a mere two sheets of ice away.  Mato remained standing on his hind legs and rested his front paws across his chest, tapping a back paw as if to say, “What took you so long?”

     Ursula scolded while making her last strides, “Jumping in before the chunks end doesn’t count- Mato I have to tell you every time!  You have to get all the way…”  Ursula stopped and stood beside Mato, who was still gloating in his “What took you so long” pose. This became the young male polar bear’s proudest moment, next to hunting his first seal. Ursula remained on all fours and stretched her nose out over the water, trying to catch a scent.  Many things passed through her mind.  She was very attentive because she would be caring for cubs of her own someday, a much larger responsibility than just hunting for oneself.  Ursula reminded Mato often of the differences between “boys and girls”.  Occupied by her many thoughts, she completely ignored Mato and turned around to greet their approaching mother.

     Mato dropped his front paws and plopped to all fours, “What?!  Do not even try to say that I didn’t win!”  He began pacing the few steps the sheet they stood on would allow, causing the sea water to slosh.

     Their mother approached surveying the abruptly ending pack ice.

     “Nana?”  With one word Ursula asked her mother many questions.  Nana returned her gaze for a moment, then ambled up beside Mato and extended her nose like her daughter.  Mato stood still.  Along with Ursula’s many questions, Nana had other things on her mind.  This was much more than an ending of winter on the Arctic Ice Cap.  For Nana, this was the last of many things.  It all started with her two cubs there beside her, the last of her litters.  Maybe that’s why she waited an extra week to make the big swim, to stay with them longer.

     Mato could not be still another second, “I am at the end!”  he protested.  “See?!? – NO MORE ICE! You can NOT say I didn’t get here first!  I didn’t even cheat this time!”  He stomped a front paw by the edge knocking a large chunk of ice into the open water.  All three bears had to steady themselves on the rocking ice sheet.

     Nana turned away from Mato to hide her smirk from him.  “Too far to swim,” she said matter-of-factly as she walked back toward the solid ice shore.

     “But I won…” complained Mato.

     “Nobody won stupid!” Ursula scolded, annoyed once again by her brother’s lack of observation.  She did not find his protests as amusing as their mother. “Don’t you see that we are here WAY too soon?  The pack ice should go on for at leastanother mile!” Mato looked back to the shore, and then out the open sea again.  He seemed to deflate as he bowed his head and then nodded to Ursula.  They both followed their mother back to the solid shore.  Mato wondered what life would be like without his sister there to explain things to him.  He grumbled to Ursula as they moved from one ice sheet to another, “I just thought I got lucky when the pack ice ended before you could catch and pass me, what’s the big deal?” Mato inquired, “More swimming is good, isn’t it?”

     Ursula stopped, “Mato, don’t you pay attention to ANYTHING Nana says?  You won’t have her or me to rely on we are on our own.  You really should…”  She also wondered how life would be for Mato without her there to explain things.

     “Yeah, yeah, spare me the lecture my dear sister and just answer the question.  We always swim, and we swim far – no problem.”

     Ursula sighed, and then explained yet another thing to her brother, “Even the strongest swimmers can be challenged by a regular trip back to the tundra for summer.  Every year, the distance has been getting farther and farther.  Some bears that are smaller, or haven’t eaten well like us and can drown before they reach land.”

     They started walking again.

     “It hasn’t really been that much trouble for me”, Mato shrugged.

     “We’re not all as big and buoyant as you are.” Ursula retorted.

     Mato stopped and raised himself up on his hind legs extending his chest to its widest expanse exclaiming playfully, “And you shall fear the Mighty Mato!”

     Ursula stopped.  “Yeah right,” she sneered.  “You know I can still kick your butt.”  She continued walking.

     Mato dropped to all fours and looked around, knowing his sister was right.  Even with his much larger size, she could out think, out run, AND out wrestle him any day.  He quickly changed the subject from his much smaller sister’s prowess, “Hey, have you seen Chuck?”

     “You know he hates it when you call him that,” Ursula commented.

     “Yeah, so?  You and Nana call him ‘Charlie’”, claimed Mato.

     “Well, he likes us.” She faked a British accent, “You on the other hand Master Mato are quite annoying.”  Mato chuckled as Ursula continued, “Young man-bear, your manners are appalling.  I prefer to be acknowledged by my proper name, Charles.  I am from a long line of foxes you know, dating back to the royal red hunted foxes of England.  ‘Chuck’ is nothing short of a mongrel term”.

     Mato laughed, “What is a mongrel anyway?”

     “There he is, talking to Nana.” Ursula pointed with her nose.

     Nana stood with a tiny creature, about the size of small dog.  He had pointy ears and a fluffy white tail; Charles, the Arctic Fox.  Although Arctic Foxes can have great feasts on the scraps left behind from a polar bear, they usually did not mix.  But Charles was tolerated, and not attacked, even in lean times.  The cubs knew that Nana found Charles to be quite resourceful.  Nana sniffed toward the ocean again as her children approached.  The fox greeted them with a tiny bow.  Nana sighed, “Well my grown ones- It looks like you’ll be in my company a bit longer.  These are strange times, and I am reluctant to send you on your own just yet.”  She smiled inside knowing that she would have some more time with them, even though they were ready to be on their own.

     “Nana,” Ursula asked, “will this ice sustain us for summer?”

     Nana gazed out to sea, extending her nose, “Perhaps”, she then set her eyes on her children, “Perhaps”, she repeated as she began walking.  Mato and Ursula followed. 

     Charles trotted along at a comfortable distance, so as not to be trampled by or become a sudden snack for the polar bears.  Although he and Nana had been friends for a long time, he knew that a polar bear could find him to be a tiny treat at any moment.  And though he relied on the bears for his meals, he knew he should not fully trust them.  After all, a hungry male polar bear would eat a young polar bear cub if he was hungry enough.  Surely a friendly fox could be on a carnivore’s menu.  Charles addressed Nana, “A fox friend tells me that it is the same all over the Arctic Ice Cap.  He had been with a Siberian group of polar bears on the other side of the ice cap and was hoping to have better luck there.  They can’t pick up a scent of tundra from Siberia either.”

     Nana nodded and blinked at Charles.

     “Hey thanks for the good news CHUCK,” Mato teased.

     Charles responded by sticking his nose pointedly into the air and changing his trot to a prance.

     Mato laughed.

     “One day Mato,” Nana began, “You will learn to appreciate the fox.  He is a great resource, not merely entertainment.”  She felt this would be a good time for a gentle reminder even though she knew Mato was only teasing.

     Mato bowed his head, “Yes ma’am.”  Mato did not care about giving respect to an animal that might be an easy snack, but he was certain to respect his mother.  She taught him everything he knew about survival.  Also, he had his sister to remind him about everything.  He still did not quite understand the usefulness of the fox, but decided he would now consider the fox’s contributions since Nana had mentioned it several times now.

     The four continued walking.  Mato wondered when the next seal hunt would be.

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Here is his latest masterpiece:

Sometimes I hear her
Cries in the wind

Other times I feel her
Calling for me to stop

She is the soul of man
And takes everything I give her

Many times unfit unclean
And against her nature

She radiates unconditional love
Deep from within her core

Moving mountains guiding rivers
Encouraging everything to grow

Yes she is magical
And she is fragile

She is below me
She is above me

She is my protection
And power giver

A sustainer of life
Unknown to many

Unless you are willing to be still
And listen

A harmonious orb flying through space
At a million miles per measure

She has feelings she is alive
And wants the best for her children

All she asks is for you to share her wealth
And not squander it

Take what you need
And save the rest for others

Take some time to sit with her
And you will be healed

Om Gaia Shanti Shanti

Jsh©41911

To see other works by Jim Hawks, go to:
My Mystic Poems On YOUTUBE.com

http://www.hawkart.us/
http://www.jimhawks.com/

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True North intro

True North Meditation

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Agnes Sindt

Here is the eulogy that Andy read at Mom’s funeral Mass… 

So that’s it; the last of the generation; a generation of incredible people that we were all so blessed to have in our lives.

36 years ago Mom lost the love of her life, Jim.  She was left to raise 3 teenagers on her own.  She did just that with all the unconditional love, caring, devotion and strength that anyone can imagine.

 Roosevelt Hospital taking care of terminally ill patients, Summer Hill Nursing Home and later, she did Home Care Nursing.  Also she did a lot of charity work with Meals on Wheels and other Catholic Charities.

She devoted her whole life to taking care of others, from family to friends to strangers.  She helped everyone she could.

Incredibly prideful and dignified, she never wanted to take any help from anyone else and rarely accepted help.  Generous doesn’t begin to describe her.  Mom passed away with $20 in her wallet.  That was $20 too much in her mind.  One of her favorite expressions was “you take it, what am I going to do with it?”  She loved giving whatever money he had to family (especially her Grandkids); it’s what made her happy.  But it took so little to make her happy; a phone call, a card in the mail, a visit from a friend and she was on top of the world.

She never once in her 87 years wanted or needed any material things.  Material things meant nothing.  Recently on a day where she had a visit from friends and family, a bunch of phone calls from family and friends and a visit from our Priest, she told us she was the luckiest person on the face of the earth.   What a great attitude and outlook on life!

Her faith in God and love for family and friends are the only things that mattered to her.

She loved and cared about so many people and she was forever grateful for her very dear friends Mary Jane, Angela, George and Louise.  She spoke about them and their entire families with such love and valued those friendships to the end.

Mom was grateful to Pat and Tony, Barbara and Nancy and their entire families continued to be a part of her life.  She was so excited and happy for the visits and phone calls and the cards in the mail, with the hugs and kisses.  She loved you all very much.

The love, caring, pride and devotion that Mom showed to Jimmy, Jayanne, Kathy, Jeff, Maureen and I was unconditional and second to none.  It didn’t matter whether we succeeded or failed, we were bad of good.  If we saw her once a day or once a year, she loved us with all of her heart and all of her soul.

But her Grandkids were her pride and joy, the apple of her eye.  The way her face lit up when she spoke about them was truly heart-warming.  Colleen, Dougie, Andy and Ryan were her world.  She bragged about their every accomplishment.  Proud of them beyond what words can describe.  Mom leaves behind the legacy of all that- Love, pride, generosity, hard work and devotion.

So that’s our inheritance and it can be shared evenly among everyone of us and for generations to come.  Mom, I know we didn’t thank you nearly enough for what you did for all of us.  We are forever grateful and indebted to you.  We are all so proud of you.  The way you lived your life is an inspiration to all of us.

So now she is in Heaven with God and her parents, her beloved sisters and the rest of her family and the love of her life, Jim- picture the scene in Heaven; Uncle Eddie asking “How was the traffic?”, Aunt Mary shooing away the squirrels and welcoming Mom; Aunt Kat with a cup of hot tea and Irish Soda Bread and dozens of funny stories and laughter; lots and lots of laughter.  And finally back in the big strong arms of Dad, where she has longed to be for so many years.  Mom we will miss you and love you forever but we will never forget you.

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